for Charlotte, Sophie & Beauford.

A Father’s Guilt

Today I write the reasons why,

these past twenty years I’ve lived a lie.

When I was as a soldier a “hero” you saw,

but I bore witness to killings galore.

I chose not to tell you,

and to hide my pain.

I thought if I smiled,

my strength might regain.

But no,

each day these past twenty years.

I lived with my nightmares,

My inner most fears.

I guess everyone knows the Vic in the papers,

of the he kids he once saved

and his Olympic capers.

But no one has heard of the atrocity & slaughter

where so many were raped,

both Mothers and Daughters.

Where so many children by snipers were slaughtered.

It was ’95 in Sarajevo the place,

when I lost faith in my God

and the whole human race.

So each day when I pray,

“Lord… make them understand”,

why I went crazy in that far away land.

The doctors and phsyco cannot understand,

why I still dream of the far away land.

I remember daily the horrors above,

but I never forgot my Fatherly love.

Even as my nightmares grow stronger,

I still believe this illness I’ll conquer.

When I have beat it, as I hope I can do,

One day your Father will be back home with you.

The Dad you now know is not me you see,

Your true Father suffers from ptsd.

Copyright:  VF © Vic Ferguson

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